i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
