So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
