...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
