every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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