i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
