Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I will pee on everything he values.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
