What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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