If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize