My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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