dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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