The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize