the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize