when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
