OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
