I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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