Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
