remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
