She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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