i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
