Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
