I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
