so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
