Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
