If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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