happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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