Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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