just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
