well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
