Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
