She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
