It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
