from now on my penis is your penis
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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