In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
40s are totally the cure
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
