So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
