He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
