My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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