OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
