then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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