I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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