if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
