Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
