drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
