some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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