i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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