I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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