This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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