you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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