Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
