I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
