BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
