Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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