Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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