At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
