I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
