I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
