I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
