My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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