If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
