Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
