chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
