At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Text me some of your sweat
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