To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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