All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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