Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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