I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i out mim tonsoeep
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