We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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