What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize