hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
