I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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