I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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