remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
